The Daily Bork

May 23, 2005


Who can pass up comment on the Eurovision contest? That time when the many nations of Europe get together to share crap music and vote according to whom they dislike this year rather than on the best song ("best" being a relative term).

Sweden came 19th, the worst showing since 1992... the fact that this bit of information is even available to be found shows how seriously this is taken in Sweden. For some unexplicable reason. I think they can't let go of the hey-days of Abba and Carola. The key is to have an entry whose name sounds like a model of automobile, who wouldn't want to drive a Toyota Carola?

Greece won. But Sweden half claims a victory since Helena Paparizou comes from Gothenburg as well.

Here is what they are saying about it on the wire...

Ukraine, last year's winner, hosted the contest in what was widely seen as a means to showcase the country after last year's Orange Revolution protests.

When you have narrowly avoided falling under Eastern dominion again, what better way to celebrate and showcase the country than by holding a celebration of crap music?

"I am so happy that this finally came to Greece," Paparizou, an ethnic Greek raised in Sweden, told reporters.

Because, you know, Greek history is just a bit spare. I mean apart from giving birth to Western civilization and all that, what have they *really* achieved?

What's with the "ethnic" Greek?

A hot favourite before the contest, she paid tribute to last year's Ukrainian winner, Ruslana, whose frenetic Wild Dances was similar in using folk themes.

"Ruslana was an inspiration for other countries to do more traditional things," said Parizou, sporting a revealing short dress like virtually all the female competitors.

"Hot" seems to be the most important quality these days, judging by recent results. Revealing short skirts are traditional in most European countries it seems. Not that this is a bad thing, just curious.

President Viktor Yushchenko, who has pledged to take Ukraine closer to Europe after winning last year's bruising election, took to the stage to present an additional prize, a golden fern.

"This is a Ukrainian prize for the best European performer in favour of uniting Europe," the president said, embracing Paparizou on both cheeks.

"And this year's winner of the Gross Deutschland Panzer Division medal is..."

OK, cheap shot, but really you'd think Ukrainians would be more wary of European unity which has tended to shit all over them from all sides in recent years.

Embracing both cheeks??? I'm sure there are many people who'd like to... oh I see.

Some 120 million viewers tuned in to the broadcast, little different from past editions of varying talent, trite lyrics and flamboyant performances.

In other words, same crap as always but nice short skirts ladies!

Moldova, an outsider finishing close to the leaders, underscored folk music with a smiling elderly woman in traditional dress beating a drum.

Moldova not quite getting the point at this stage of the competition. Hot chicks and short skirts! Drums optional.

Many had hoped the contest would help change Ukraine's image after years of association with political scandals, corruption and the effects of the 1986 Chernobyl nuclear disaster.

But really, how much can one dodgy competition aid a tarnished image?


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